Author Archives: nayelli alethia

the bush and the concrete prison

Exploring the two sides of me.  In the bush I am:  kind, stable, strong, assured, at peace, gentle, caring, loving, a healer, all knowing, a goddess   Out in society I am:  fearful, anxious, untidy, unmotivated, overwhelmed, over-stimulated, not understood, very sensitive, not supported, alone, CUT OFF FROM HER TRUE ESSENCE, to many responsibilities to manage,Continue reading “the bush and the concrete prison”

Solstice – present and past

Written on Solstice 2019  A year ago, I went to Medicine Man’s to prepare myself for the winter solstice festivity that evening.  It was a ritual of sorts.  A goddess letting go of what no longer served her.  A goddess accentuating her beauty for herself, but also for Gentle Giant.  Medicine Man proclaimed me “smokinContinue reading “Solstice – present and past”

sweet Sam and duke – doggy play date

I love watching dogs play. There is something innocent and simple in the way they interact. They don’t have the spoken word to bog things down. It’s all upfront. There is no pretending. A snarl, a bow, ears back, raused hair, a sniff to the butt, a raised lip. If the body signals are notContinue reading “sweet Sam and duke – doggy play date”

roiling rage

December 14, 2019  3:30pm  My dead mother’s birthday. The mother I don’t miss, the mother I wish I had never known.  The mother who wounded me so deeply, the hate still lingers.  My Mother, extended family, church and community are all enmeshed.  I work at healing, and I have healed a lot, but lately I’ve beenContinue reading “roiling rage”

I AM, bison, and a cranky trailer

December 9, 201910:18pm The day started off in a shaky fashion. I slept way past the alarm. Partly because I didn’t want to wake up and face the day because I was in a dark, dark place. I know there are many energetic reasons for unexplained dark feelings, but it always throws me for aContinue reading “I AM, bison, and a cranky trailer”

poor…but safe and warm

December 8, 20199:58pm I am ending the weekend feeling so discouraged due to being triggered over money. I am living on $340 a month plus whatever I make from my crafts and odd jobs. BUT… I am only allowed to earn $200 before social assistance takes 70% of it away. I live the best lifeContinue reading “poor…but safe and warm”

macabre fascination with some seriously fucked up shit

December 7, 20195:44pm I had a reprieve from the depression and anxiety today. Felt a tad more centered. Moon time is over! No more cramping so bad it almost induced vomiting. —- December 8, 201911:20am Yesterday was a day of being in the land of saneness. There were no meltdowns, no acute anxiety, my physicalContinue reading “macabre fascination with some seriously fucked up shit”

cannabis and dying dogs

December 6, 20198:30pm I went into Lucille’s (our local cannabis shop) for the first time tonight, and asked for wrapping paper. When the owner looked at me funny, and I practically rolled my eyes at myself while wanting to disappear. Wrapping paper didn’t sound, right, but I couldn’t think of the correct term. I toldContinue reading “cannabis and dying dogs”