Sweet Sam/Mr. Sam I Sam/Samuel is an outgoing, friendly, 5 year old Double Doodle/Basset Hound. He is the light in my life, a bit goofy, a bit lackadaisical, follows me around as if we are attached.
Hephzibah is 9 years old, very introverted, highstrung, and anxious. He is a farm yard mix, the only two that I remember is German Shepherd/Chiwauwa He does the most amazing dance when you give him a butt rub and, spends his days snuggled up in bed occasionally coming out to check up on me and get a kiss on the nose.
Kat is the senior in our household. She is a cat who was abandoned in the mall on a early winter morning many years ago. I never named her because I had just lost a couple of cats and didn’t want to get attached to her. She doesn’t like black dogs, tolerates brown dogs. Her and Hephzibah have become masters at starting the next world wars in our small spaces.
I am nayelli alethia. I recently turned 40, look like I’m in my 20’s and feel ancient and worn out. I am a wounded goddess, possibly a starseed. Not made for this world, not able to make my way through the cruel, materialistic, throwaway, fake society I was born into.
Raised in the Christian religion, by a conservative Mennonite family. Diganosed with major depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder in my early 20’s. Hospitalized many times over a period of 10 years. Went through shock treatments, a couple of suicide attempts, emotional abandonment by my family/community, adult foster homes, group homes, various forms of self-harm, different types of therapy, and on and on. None of it was helpful. Most of it just broke me further which led to being labled as non-compliant and mental health professionals not wanting to work with me.
I turned to Eastern Medicine and did a deep dive into who I really was. A lover, a truth seeker, a grounded woman with a very gentle caring soul. A very wounded, over the top sensitive, way too empathic to cope with the harsh realities of life.
I feel like I’m living in a perpetual existential crisis, the ground beneath my feet constantly shifting. Never stable enough to take a deep breath and relax into a life that flows.
My purpose in life is to love, seek the truth and listen to people’s stories. Despite knowing why I’m on earth, I am not able to seem to find a way to live it out. I’m incredibly lonely and quite alone a lot of the time. I am not able to work, and am chronically exhausted. Being an introverted, highly sensitive person and highly empathic makes it difficult to go out into the world without feeling complete overwhelm.
We love being outside and wandering around in the forest. Foraging and harvesting. Exploring new areas. Identifying wild flowers, weeds, mushrooms and whatever else grows in Mother Nature. I’m a classically trained pianist, but my talent lies with playing by ear. I’m a photographer. I’m teaching myself what I consider some of the lost arts. Working with sheep’s wool, weaving rag rugs on a home made loom, sewing skirts out of recycled materials. Living a simple life, somewhat off grid, without many of the modern conviences.
I’m starting this blog because I need to speak my truth. I need a means of moving the darkness out of me so my light has room to shine. I don’t have money for any sort of therapy, so this is my self-therapy! I love to write, and find it so freeing.
You are loved!
truth and love and the darkness inbetween 