December 7, 2019
5:44pm
I had a reprieve from the depression and anxiety today. Felt a tad more centered. Moon time is over! No more cramping so bad it almost induced vomiting.
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December 8, 2019
11:20am
Yesterday was a day of being in the land of saneness. There were no meltdowns, no acute anxiety, my physical body didn’t protest too much. It was an overall nice day. I’m feeling the same today. A steadiness that I wish would last for weeks at a time.
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I like true crime as a lot of humans do. We tend to have a macabre fascination with some seriously fucked up shit. However, because I’m an empath and very sensitive I can be very affected by what I listen to. I have found a couple of true crime podcasts that are hosted by comedians. They somehow make crime and comedy work. I have a dark sense of humor, so it fits me well.
- Scam Goddess
This podcast makes me laugh every time. It talks about scam artists. - My Favorite Murder
Hosted by two women who each recount a different murder. - Thinking Sideways
Not comedians, but definetly light hearted. They discuss an unsolved mystery every week. Not just crimes, but anything that has not or can not be solved throughout the ages.
Many years ago, I found a podcast called Mental Illness Happy Hour. The host Paul Gilmartin is a comedian as well as someone who suffers from depression. He made survey’s for people to fill out that he reads at the end of every show after talking to someone about their journey with mental illness. Some of the survey’s are about our darkest thoughts and sexual fantasies. It was such a relief to find out that my fantasy’s that I considered sinful (as taught by the church) were actually completely normal. Everyone fantasizes. About a variety of things. I’ve wanted to kill people. I’ve came up with plans. I’m a very sexual person. I’ve had a very vivid sexual fanatsy life since I was a young teenager, and have suffered so much shame and guilt over it due to religion.
Sorry to tell you folks, but it’s a normal function of our brains. And by telling teenagers/young adults that it’s a sin, you are doing serious damage to them. It turns into repression because they have no one to talk to about their thoughts. No one to reassure them that EVERYONE fantasizes. It’s normal!! Yes, as with everything, there needs to be a balance, but the opportunity for a healthy balance is taken away by trying to eradicate any “sinful” thought. We are blatantly sexual beings. There is no such thing as being able to be completely pure. It makes nonsense to try to get the religious masses to turn off their sexuality. That approach quicky backfires. I can testify to that.
truth and love and the darkness inbetween 